Well, finally for your viewing pleasure (because it certainly isn't mine!) I have posted a bunch of pictures of myself. I guess it was a good thing to sit and look back over the pictures, man, the older ones are atrocious. There's really no other word.
I'm still doing well. Today I walked/ran in the CIBC Run for the Cure 5K, it was a great experience.
I have noticed a few things making me happy these days :) like:
- my puppy fits on my lap
- I went shopping and had to trade everything I took to the change room for smaller sizes
- I can feel bones and muscles under my skin, it's weird and wonderful all at the same time!
It's been good to see the changes in myself as the months go by, but to put my hands on my hips, legs or shoulders and be surprised at what I feel is awesome, I had no idea how good that would feel and it encourages me to keep going in the right direction. And so I shall.
Sunday, 30 September 2012
Monday, 17 September 2012
100 lbs!
Yay, I finally did it! I reached 100 lbs lost today :)
I still have a lot of jiggly parts...so many...but it's a good milestone. (Other than wishing I had never put myself in the position of needing to lose that much weight of course.)
85 lbs left to go...that doesn't sound so unreachable anymore. As I lose weight I am of course burning less calories in the same time, the downfall of being in better shape, so to speak, lol. But I keep reminding myself that the lbs are worth more now. When I was over 300 lbs and lost 20 lbs, you could hardly notice. Now that I am 235 lbs, losing 20 lbs will be much more noticeable. So yay for that!
When I lose another 36 lbs I will finally be under 200 lbs, that sounds absolutely incredible to me. I don't think I can lose that much by the end of the year but perhaps it would be a nice birthday present to myself. But that would be over 7 lbs a month during the winter months...might be a stretch but it's good to know that by my 41st birthday I will at least be close to that goal.
My closet is very sad right now. I have hardly any clothes to wear. Must shop soon, I have no choice. It's getting colder out and I only have 1 pair of jeans...no other pants at all, that's not gonna work, lol.
A coworker recently said to me that I must love looking in the mirror now and I was shocked, because it couldn't be further from the truth, I still hate the mirror! Especially having my picture taken! But...I'm gonna work on that because I think that is a self-destructive behavior that I need to get rid of.
Regarding the visit from my brother...overall it was good. We had a lot of fun. Him and I did discuss briefly what happened to me. That was incredibly awkward, for both of us, but he was the one who brought it up the first time we had some time alone so that made me happy. He is still processing and I know that I need to give him time to do that. I told him that if he wanted to tell other people in his life (his wife, etc.) that he should go ahead. I also told him it would be my preference if he drove over him with a golf cart or something. Initially he seemed to think that this just meant he wouldn't ever tell me when he was golfing with him. I told him I didn't like that. I think that with time he will find that perhaps that just isn't possible. Of course I wanted him to tell me that he would never see him again, but that would mean having to pretty much tell everyone in his life why and I get that he wasn't ready to do that yet. But he may get there. For now, golf season is over and I think him and I will discuss this more again in the future.
I am glad I told him, I got to the point where I had no choice. He's an important person in my life and I don't want to lose him. So I am going to be patient and see where we end up. I've known about this for all my life and I am still learning how to deal with it so I am prepared to be patient while he tries to figure it out as well.
Went to a party on the weekend and had a lot of fun, we hadn't done that for a long time, especially with people that weren't family. They were mostly friends of my one sister, so she was there, but she ended up having to leave early so I thought we would too, but we ended up having fun dancing and socializing so we stayed until it was over. Even sang happy birthday after inhaling helium lol. Had a bit of a headache the next day but it didn't last so it wasn't too bad. I'm too old to handle being hungover, lol.
I still have a lot of jiggly parts...so many...but it's a good milestone. (Other than wishing I had never put myself in the position of needing to lose that much weight of course.)
85 lbs left to go...that doesn't sound so unreachable anymore. As I lose weight I am of course burning less calories in the same time, the downfall of being in better shape, so to speak, lol. But I keep reminding myself that the lbs are worth more now. When I was over 300 lbs and lost 20 lbs, you could hardly notice. Now that I am 235 lbs, losing 20 lbs will be much more noticeable. So yay for that!
When I lose another 36 lbs I will finally be under 200 lbs, that sounds absolutely incredible to me. I don't think I can lose that much by the end of the year but perhaps it would be a nice birthday present to myself. But that would be over 7 lbs a month during the winter months...might be a stretch but it's good to know that by my 41st birthday I will at least be close to that goal.
My closet is very sad right now. I have hardly any clothes to wear. Must shop soon, I have no choice. It's getting colder out and I only have 1 pair of jeans...no other pants at all, that's not gonna work, lol.
A coworker recently said to me that I must love looking in the mirror now and I was shocked, because it couldn't be further from the truth, I still hate the mirror! Especially having my picture taken! But...I'm gonna work on that because I think that is a self-destructive behavior that I need to get rid of.
Regarding the visit from my brother...overall it was good. We had a lot of fun. Him and I did discuss briefly what happened to me. That was incredibly awkward, for both of us, but he was the one who brought it up the first time we had some time alone so that made me happy. He is still processing and I know that I need to give him time to do that. I told him that if he wanted to tell other people in his life (his wife, etc.) that he should go ahead. I also told him it would be my preference if he drove over him with a golf cart or something. Initially he seemed to think that this just meant he wouldn't ever tell me when he was golfing with him. I told him I didn't like that. I think that with time he will find that perhaps that just isn't possible. Of course I wanted him to tell me that he would never see him again, but that would mean having to pretty much tell everyone in his life why and I get that he wasn't ready to do that yet. But he may get there. For now, golf season is over and I think him and I will discuss this more again in the future.
I am glad I told him, I got to the point where I had no choice. He's an important person in my life and I don't want to lose him. So I am going to be patient and see where we end up. I've known about this for all my life and I am still learning how to deal with it so I am prepared to be patient while he tries to figure it out as well.
Went to a party on the weekend and had a lot of fun, we hadn't done that for a long time, especially with people that weren't family. They were mostly friends of my one sister, so she was there, but she ended up having to leave early so I thought we would too, but we ended up having fun dancing and socializing so we stayed until it was over. Even sang happy birthday after inhaling helium lol. Had a bit of a headache the next day but it didn't last so it wasn't too bad. I'm too old to handle being hungover, lol.
Saturday, 18 August 2012
Where I Am
So, sometimes it bothers me when people don't blog for a long time and yet here I am, it's taken me forever. But I think about it lots, does that count?
Anyway, right now I am pretty good. I have a few things to update you on.
First of all, in my last post I mentioned that my appointment for my breast reduction consultation was days away. After waiting a long time to get an appointment and then waiting for the appointment to arrive, then driving all the way to another city it was quite disappointing. I gained information, but was that worth the humiliation of standing in front of a stranger topless while he touched and measured my breasts? Not sure about that yet.
The bottom line is that my BMI is too high so he doesn't consider me a good candidate at the moment. If I lose another 50 lbs I can go back and see him again. I get that, it makes sense to me that he thinks I need to be healthier to go through the surgery, I think the part that bothers me is that when my doctor suggested that I look into this I specifically asked him if I needed to lose more weight before I could do it and he said no, it would be beneficial for me to do it now. So...that sucked. I was upset after my appointment, seemed like a complete waste of a day and money to go there, but I guess I am glad I at least checked it out and have more information now. With some of the risks he discussed I am not even sure I will go ahead when I get down to the appropriate weight, but I haven't ruled it out. I will see how I am when I get there.
In another of my posts I discussed me finally telling my brother what happened to me when I was a child. That has been causing me a fair amount of stress, including me cancelling my trip to see him because I couldn't handle it (I didn't tell him that). He is coming to visit in a couple of weeks so I have been worried about that as we are supposed to Talk About It. I was texting with him the other night asking him what his plans were, when he was coming and going, etc. and in the course of the convo he told me that he would be golfing with his wife's brother again while he was here. Well, that kind of sent me cause that's who he golfs with when he golfs with the person I don't want him to see. So I didn't answer his text when he told me that and about an hour later he asked me how come I didn't respond. I had to ask. I didn't want to but I had to. So I asked if he was going to golf with him again. And then I cried while I waited for his answer. My husband looks over and sees me crying (out of the blue to him as he didn't know I was texting my brother) and I explained what was going on. I was so scared to get his answer. When it came it just said "no". So I cried again. I said "Thanks. Sorry, but I had to ask." I hate saying sorry about something like that but the reality is I didn't have the faith in him to just know that he would do what I needed to him to do which was basically choose me. His response was "Wasn't an option". That was a lot of weight off of me but I am still worried about talking to him about it. And I still hate that I had to put him in this position as I have no idea what he will say to his brother in law to make it clear that he won't golf with the other guy. I don't even know if he has told his wife or not. Anyway, perhaps I will find that out soon enough.
Other than that I have been having a pretty good summer. I am on the end of just over 2 weeks of holidays and they have been great. My husband and I both had the first week off and we did lots of golfing and even got to go to Edmonton to see a Rider game. We lost :( boo. But it was a lot of fun and I got to visit with my niece, which was wonderful. Though my niece and I commiserated over the fact that Ayla wasn't there (perhaps even called her a name or two, out of love of course lol). I miss Ayla a lot.
My husband and I have been having a run of bad luck. For instance, somethings that have occurred over the past month or so:
- My Tivo spontaneously died
- Had to pay to get our "maintenance free" siding fixed on the house
- Had to pay to have our air conditioning fixed for the 5th year in a row (reduced but still, every year??)
- Had to pay our deductible to get the windshield replaced on our SUV
- Had to replace our 46" TV in our living room when it spontaneously got rainbow colored vertical lines across the whole screen. Pretty but no picture anymore and costs way too much to fix.
We seriously need to stop vowing to spend less money, every time we do the universe laughs at us.
Some good things that have happened to me:
- I am continuing to lose weight and get healthier
- I bought a couple extra large clothing items at Costco and though they are a bit snug they are wearable.
- I bought an extra large skort from Golf Town and it fits loosely (it's very stretchy so most would not fit me that way)
Those things are going to continue to get better. Which is fantastic and likely also means I will spend more money on clothes because I have never had the option before!
Tuesday I am back to work. Ugh. Guess it will be good to get back into a routine.
That's where I am right now.
Monday, 23 July 2012
Quick Update
Just a quick update:
I lost 2 more lbs this week bringing me to a total of 86 lbs lost...more significantly bringing me to 99 lbs left to lose...less than 100!
Next goal is to have less to lose than what I have already lost (7 more lbs), quickly followed by hitting the 100 lbs lost mark (14 more lbs).
It's Monday...my appointment is finally this Friday. I felt like it would never get here and in some ways it still doesn't seem real. I can't wait.
:)
I lost 2 more lbs this week bringing me to a total of 86 lbs lost...more significantly bringing me to 99 lbs left to lose...less than 100!
Next goal is to have less to lose than what I have already lost (7 more lbs), quickly followed by hitting the 100 lbs lost mark (14 more lbs).
It's Monday...my appointment is finally this Friday. I felt like it would never get here and in some ways it still doesn't seem real. I can't wait.
:)
Monday, 9 July 2012
Silence...not always golden
I am a person who loves peace and quiet, but not hearing at all from my brother since the big reveal has been awful and disappointing. In the end it has lead me to cancel our vacation we were going to take in August to meet him to golf in Alberta. I made up an excuse, but the reality was that I didn't want to drive 6 or 7 hours to see him, finally have a conversation about what I told him and then end up immediately wanting to leave. It upset me more than I thought it would when I told him we couldn't go. I think because I am disappointed in him, I expected more from him. Any maybe I should cut him some slack, I get that this is far from easy to talk about, but still.
Anyway, that's done and it did relieve some stress for me. He says he will be visiting in September so I guess we'll see if we talk about it then. For now I will just try not to think about it.
Finally we are getting some hot weather, yay! I am so tired of rain, it's so depressing. And this week is especially hot so that's awesome. Other than me having a headache for the past 4 days, that's not so awesome. Feeling a bit better today so I hope I'm done with that again. Despite not feeling great my husband and I did go golfing on Sunday, it was so beautiful outside. We walked 18 holes and the course was actually quite quiet, it really was great.
Less than 3 weeks until my appointment now... very excited and nervous!
By the way, my husband just said to me "hey, I'm finally back over 130 lbs, yay!"....hate that guy sometimes...
Anyway, that's done and it did relieve some stress for me. He says he will be visiting in September so I guess we'll see if we talk about it then. For now I will just try not to think about it.
Finally we are getting some hot weather, yay! I am so tired of rain, it's so depressing. And this week is especially hot so that's awesome. Other than me having a headache for the past 4 days, that's not so awesome. Feeling a bit better today so I hope I'm done with that again. Despite not feeling great my husband and I did go golfing on Sunday, it was so beautiful outside. We walked 18 holes and the course was actually quite quiet, it really was great.
Less than 3 weeks until my appointment now... very excited and nervous!
By the way, my husband just said to me "hey, I'm finally back over 130 lbs, yay!"....hate that guy sometimes...
Sunday, 24 June 2012
Secrets
Yesterday I told my husband that I thought that as I was getting older I was handling stress differently. Before stress was a feeling, now it's physical. I feel it in my stomach immediately and I hate it.
This was a very tough weekend. If you've read my "About Me" page then you know what happened to me when I was young. I talk in there about my brother and wanting to tell him and finally this weekend I did. It was incredibly scary and stressful and upsetting. He was in town this weekend and was planning to golf with his wife's brother. I knew all along there was a good chance the 4th person would be the person I wish to forget. So for weeks I have been stressing about this, feeling like I should tell him already, having that guy show up at my house last summer...well that can just never happen again. Friday night my brother texted me and wanted to meet for drinks after golf, I had no choice but to ask him who the 4th person golfing was. He said he didn't know and when I asked him if it might be that guy, he said he didn't know but yeah, it could be. We were on the phone, him at my parents house, me in my basement, and I finally just told him. I was doing that awful awkward silence on the phone while I tried to control my crying, which I absolutely hate, so I finally just blurted it out. He asked me who else knew and I told him our parents didn't know, just some of my sisters closer to my age. We didn't talk about it much, it was awkward and I know that I shocked him and I hated doing it that way, but I just had to tell him already.
Thank goodness for Ayla, despite feeling worse than miserable from having her wisdom teeth pulled she was able to talk to me, there was no one else who could have helped me through that.
I knew it was a shock for him, that he would need some time to process, but I also knew that could be hard to handle. He basically told me that he wouldn't know if he was golfing with that guy until they got to the golf course so we shouldn't meet for a drink. That wasn't what I wanted to hear, I wanted to hear him say there was no way he would golf with him after what I told him...but I also knew that would mean he would need to tell his wife and I wasn't sure where it would go from there. I was upset to hear him say that but then he texted me and said that he was still in shock and we would talk about it later. So...okay...I guess. The next day I was out golfing with my husband and sister and he was going golfing with his wife and brother-in-law. We were on the course when I got a text from him telling me that I made a good call going to a different golf course. For some idiot reason I assumed he meant that because the course he was on was in so much worse shape than the one I was at, so I just responded chatting about golf. It wasn't until a couple of hours later that I realized what he really meant. He texted me before they teed off, that means he had no idea what the course was like...he was telling me there was a fourth person golfing with them and it was my rapist.
Through this time I am trying to talk to my husband some cause I am going insane and sometimes he is helpful and sometimes he is clueless :( I texted Ayla and we agreed that it would be appropriate if my brother hit him with a club or golf cart. I told myself that it was going to be very awkward and uncomfortable the whole time they were golfing and my brother would have a hard time being civil to him. Truth is I have no idea. And I don't know if they sat and had drinks or dinner after. I said that to my husband and he told me that I should stop thinking about it cause I was driving myself crazy...thanks, it's really that simple to just shut that all off. I told him if I was making him uncomfortable I would stop talking about it with him and I think he saw the error of his ways. I remind myself that he is a man and doesn't think the same as me.
Anyway, I got up Sunday morning and was very out of sorts, I really thought I would hear from my brother again before he left town but I didn't hear a word. We are supposed to go and visit him in August and now I have no idea if I can go or not. If I go and find out that he is treating this as "my problem" then we will turn around and leave again so what is the point? I guess before then I will have to have another conversation with him.
I was hoping that by finally telling him that I would be able to let go of some of this stress, but it's not working like that. It's not done yet and the truth is I don't know if this is going to ruin our relationship forever. I knew the risk in telling him, that he might choose to keep out of it because it's his wife's family, but if he does then I can't be okay with that.
I had a great time golfing on Saturday, we walked 18 holes again and I love that. But other than that this was an awful weekend :(
Sorry if this is convoluted but my stomach hurts and I really don't feel like proofreading this before I post.
This was a very tough weekend. If you've read my "About Me" page then you know what happened to me when I was young. I talk in there about my brother and wanting to tell him and finally this weekend I did. It was incredibly scary and stressful and upsetting. He was in town this weekend and was planning to golf with his wife's brother. I knew all along there was a good chance the 4th person would be the person I wish to forget. So for weeks I have been stressing about this, feeling like I should tell him already, having that guy show up at my house last summer...well that can just never happen again. Friday night my brother texted me and wanted to meet for drinks after golf, I had no choice but to ask him who the 4th person golfing was. He said he didn't know and when I asked him if it might be that guy, he said he didn't know but yeah, it could be. We were on the phone, him at my parents house, me in my basement, and I finally just told him. I was doing that awful awkward silence on the phone while I tried to control my crying, which I absolutely hate, so I finally just blurted it out. He asked me who else knew and I told him our parents didn't know, just some of my sisters closer to my age. We didn't talk about it much, it was awkward and I know that I shocked him and I hated doing it that way, but I just had to tell him already.
Thank goodness for Ayla, despite feeling worse than miserable from having her wisdom teeth pulled she was able to talk to me, there was no one else who could have helped me through that.
I knew it was a shock for him, that he would need some time to process, but I also knew that could be hard to handle. He basically told me that he wouldn't know if he was golfing with that guy until they got to the golf course so we shouldn't meet for a drink. That wasn't what I wanted to hear, I wanted to hear him say there was no way he would golf with him after what I told him...but I also knew that would mean he would need to tell his wife and I wasn't sure where it would go from there. I was upset to hear him say that but then he texted me and said that he was still in shock and we would talk about it later. So...okay...I guess. The next day I was out golfing with my husband and sister and he was going golfing with his wife and brother-in-law. We were on the course when I got a text from him telling me that I made a good call going to a different golf course. For some idiot reason I assumed he meant that because the course he was on was in so much worse shape than the one I was at, so I just responded chatting about golf. It wasn't until a couple of hours later that I realized what he really meant. He texted me before they teed off, that means he had no idea what the course was like...he was telling me there was a fourth person golfing with them and it was my rapist.
Through this time I am trying to talk to my husband some cause I am going insane and sometimes he is helpful and sometimes he is clueless :( I texted Ayla and we agreed that it would be appropriate if my brother hit him with a club or golf cart. I told myself that it was going to be very awkward and uncomfortable the whole time they were golfing and my brother would have a hard time being civil to him. Truth is I have no idea. And I don't know if they sat and had drinks or dinner after. I said that to my husband and he told me that I should stop thinking about it cause I was driving myself crazy...thanks, it's really that simple to just shut that all off. I told him if I was making him uncomfortable I would stop talking about it with him and I think he saw the error of his ways. I remind myself that he is a man and doesn't think the same as me.
Anyway, I got up Sunday morning and was very out of sorts, I really thought I would hear from my brother again before he left town but I didn't hear a word. We are supposed to go and visit him in August and now I have no idea if I can go or not. If I go and find out that he is treating this as "my problem" then we will turn around and leave again so what is the point? I guess before then I will have to have another conversation with him.
I was hoping that by finally telling him that I would be able to let go of some of this stress, but it's not working like that. It's not done yet and the truth is I don't know if this is going to ruin our relationship forever. I knew the risk in telling him, that he might choose to keep out of it because it's his wife's family, but if he does then I can't be okay with that.
I had a great time golfing on Saturday, we walked 18 holes again and I love that. But other than that this was an awful weekend :(
Sorry if this is convoluted but my stomach hurts and I really don't feel like proofreading this before I post.
Thursday, 7 June 2012
FINALLY!!
Patience is definitely a virtue that I have little of, lol. But I have been trying very hard and mostly because I had no choice, it has worked. I posted quite a while ago that my doctor was referring me for a breast reduction consultation and then I waited and waited and waited. I actually could even forget about it every now and then. Anyway...I finally got the call.
My appointment is on July 27th and I am so excited and nervous! It's a male doctor :( but I was pretty sure it would be. I looked him up on RateMDs.com and he didn't have many comments, was rated 3.8/5 and none of the comments were about this kind of surgery. In an effort not to freak myself out further, I am going to decline to do any more research. Or try to...
Tomorrow I am going to see my favorite person. She owns two of my other favorite people and they are moving away soon. I'm gonna miss them like crazy. I think we are a lot alike (and I hope she doesn't mind me saying that). Both of us were hoping to spend more time together, not less, but this is for their family so I hope it works out. For like a year and then she can come back, right Ayla?!?! lol
My appointment is on July 27th and I am so excited and nervous! It's a male doctor :( but I was pretty sure it would be. I looked him up on RateMDs.com and he didn't have many comments, was rated 3.8/5 and none of the comments were about this kind of surgery. In an effort not to freak myself out further, I am going to decline to do any more research. Or try to...
Tomorrow I am going to see my favorite person. She owns two of my other favorite people and they are moving away soon. I'm gonna miss them like crazy. I think we are a lot alike (and I hope she doesn't mind me saying that). Both of us were hoping to spend more time together, not less, but this is for their family so I hope it works out. For like a year and then she can come back, right Ayla?!?! lol
Monday, 4 June 2012
Milestone
I had a great week this past week. I got lots of exercise, did a ton of walking - either golfing, walking home from work or taking Tiger to the dog park, and when I couldn't do that I used my treadmill. I feel great and I finally had more than a 1 lb loss, it feels like forever. I lost 4 lbs this week bringing me to 75 lbs lost. That's amazing to me in both a good and bad way. It's embarrassing to have lost that much weight and still have so much more to lose! But it is what it is and I will try to ignore that part of it and just be proud of what I have accomplished.
I can see more changes in my body, that part is always fun. I can see a difference in my face/neck, and all over I guess. I think I am losing it the slowest in my stomach though, which kind of drives me crazy. But it's also fun going through my closet, compared to before, there's really not that much left in there and I am quite often tossing things out of it because they either no longer fit or I just know I won't wear it anyway. So I have lots of room in there for a someday shopping spree, lol. I do have some smaller things in there that I also keep trying on, they are goals for me. In particular golf clothes I have purchased from TPC Scottsdale in Phoenix over the past couple of years, I can't wait to wear those! Not sure if I will be able to get into them this summer or not, I am a ways from fitting into them.
I am afraid this process is hard for my husband. I am being selfish, I am focusing on me and I get that it's hard for him. A while ago I told him what my actual weight was and he had no idea, I asked him to guess and he was way off, he was quite surprised to hear that my highest weight was 335 lbs. I hoped that would help him see that I am not just trying to lose weight, I am trying to save my life, and I think he gets that to some degree, as much as he is capable. The other day I compared it to sex. I asked him how many times a day he thinks about sex, he said all the time, probably 40 or 50 times a day (seriously, how do they get any work done?? So glad I am female). I told him that for as much as he thinks about sex, that's how much I am thinking about food and eating. Every time I eat something, I am always thinking ahead to the next thing I get to eat. Always. That's why it helps me to use MFP to map out my days, then the thinking is contained instead of free roaming, if that makes sense.
Anyway, I find that some days I can look behind me and see all the progress that I have made...75 lbs!...and it's fantastic. Other days I look ahead and I see all the work I have left to do...110 lbs left...and it's overwhelming. I look forward to when the road behind is longer than the road ahead, I think that will help. And when I look at it that way, I am really not that far off from that, another 17.5 lbs and I will be halfway done, then the number left to lose will always be smaller than what I have already lost. Hallelujah!
I can see more changes in my body, that part is always fun. I can see a difference in my face/neck, and all over I guess. I think I am losing it the slowest in my stomach though, which kind of drives me crazy. But it's also fun going through my closet, compared to before, there's really not that much left in there and I am quite often tossing things out of it because they either no longer fit or I just know I won't wear it anyway. So I have lots of room in there for a someday shopping spree, lol. I do have some smaller things in there that I also keep trying on, they are goals for me. In particular golf clothes I have purchased from TPC Scottsdale in Phoenix over the past couple of years, I can't wait to wear those! Not sure if I will be able to get into them this summer or not, I am a ways from fitting into them.
I am afraid this process is hard for my husband. I am being selfish, I am focusing on me and I get that it's hard for him. A while ago I told him what my actual weight was and he had no idea, I asked him to guess and he was way off, he was quite surprised to hear that my highest weight was 335 lbs. I hoped that would help him see that I am not just trying to lose weight, I am trying to save my life, and I think he gets that to some degree, as much as he is capable. The other day I compared it to sex. I asked him how many times a day he thinks about sex, he said all the time, probably 40 or 50 times a day (seriously, how do they get any work done?? So glad I am female). I told him that for as much as he thinks about sex, that's how much I am thinking about food and eating. Every time I eat something, I am always thinking ahead to the next thing I get to eat. Always. That's why it helps me to use MFP to map out my days, then the thinking is contained instead of free roaming, if that makes sense.
Anyway, I find that some days I can look behind me and see all the progress that I have made...75 lbs!...and it's fantastic. Other days I look ahead and I see all the work I have left to do...110 lbs left...and it's overwhelming. I look forward to when the road behind is longer than the road ahead, I think that will help. And when I look at it that way, I am really not that far off from that, another 17.5 lbs and I will be halfway done, then the number left to lose will always be smaller than what I have already lost. Hallelujah!
Sunday, 20 May 2012
There and back again
So I've been to Arizona and am now back home again. We went on Sunday, May 13th and returned on Friday, May 18th. We has such beautiful weather the whole time! Thank god I love the heat because it was +39 or +40 every single day. I spent a lot of time just relaxing, laying in the sun, hanging out in the pool (and playing volleyball in there with my nephew) and having beverages :) Our morning drink was champagne (a small amount), diet Minute Maid lemonade (a small amount to flavor) and diet 7-up - it was delicious and low fat. In the evenings we would switch to vodka and diet pepsi. But I ate really well the whole time and got some exercise everyday. I can't sleep in when we are there, so I was up by at least 7:00 am everyday and would go for a walk around 8:00 am, carefully watching for any snakes or what have you, lol. The streets there are so nice to walk and of course they are generally empty because by 8:00 am it's already nearing 30 degrees and most people are smart enough to stay in, lol. The one day I didn't walk in the morning was because we were going to the Phoenix Zoo and we walked around there for 3.5 hours. It was fantastic, I loved the whole time there and seeing so many different animals. Here is a link to my album on Facebook if you are interested in seeing my pics:
Phoenix Zoo
Anyway, the trip was good (other than when people annoyed me, but when doesn't that happen? lol) and it's always nice to get home.
I am happy I was able to stay on track while I was away with my eating and exercising, now here's hoping the drinking didn't completely do me in! I will be happy to stay even when I weigh in tomorrow. But whatever it is it will be fine, I am so ready to keep going in the right direction that right now I can't see what could possibly derail me...did I just curse myself by saying that out loud? Nah, lol.
Even though I don't really feel like it, I am off to work out - I really don't like when MFP doesn't show me having earned any exercise calories. Tomorrow we are going golfing, I think we might walk 18 holes, so I certainly won't need to use my treadmill or bike. I'm looking forward to it and hope I can last the whole time, I will be tired but that's okay, I just need my body to hold out.
I am currently nursing a sunburn but I can't really be sad about that, it just reminds me of how great the weather was, so let the peeling begin, lol.
Phoenix Zoo
Anyway, the trip was good (other than when people annoyed me, but when doesn't that happen? lol) and it's always nice to get home.
I am happy I was able to stay on track while I was away with my eating and exercising, now here's hoping the drinking didn't completely do me in! I will be happy to stay even when I weigh in tomorrow. But whatever it is it will be fine, I am so ready to keep going in the right direction that right now I can't see what could possibly derail me...did I just curse myself by saying that out loud? Nah, lol.
Even though I don't really feel like it, I am off to work out - I really don't like when MFP doesn't show me having earned any exercise calories. Tomorrow we are going golfing, I think we might walk 18 holes, so I certainly won't need to use my treadmill or bike. I'm looking forward to it and hope I can last the whole time, I will be tired but that's okay, I just need my body to hold out.
I am currently nursing a sunburn but I can't really be sad about that, it just reminds me of how great the weather was, so let the peeling begin, lol.
Monday, 7 May 2012
Goodbye Weight Watchers
Okay, I am officially done paying for WW online. Thanks to Ayla, I am finally loving My Fitness Pal. I tried it last winter and for some reason didn't really care for it, I guess I felt like I was starting all over, having to enter a lot of the foods I eat, etc. But when I went back in recently I suddenly didn't mind it and even had already put in most of the foods I needed. And I was ready to stop looking at food as points and start seeing their whole value. Now I am aware of what my daily intake for calories should be but also the same for fat, carbs, protein, fibre, sugar and sodium. I had no idea how much salt was in the food I was eating! I have eating twice as much as I should have been. So in a couple of days I was able to change a few things I eat and suddenly I have having no trouble at all staying in my limits. MFP even has a great iPad app...and it's all free!
So thanks Ayla :)
Using MFP made me quantify things in a way I never had before. I knew what my highest weight was...I knew what my goal was...but I never looked at the difference between the two. In all I need to lose 185 lbs...185 LBS! Son of .... okay, that's okay. The good news is that I am 69 lbs of the way there. I can't wait for the day when I can say I have lost 100 lbs and I can't wait for the day when I have less than 100 lbs left to lose. I have a lot of work to do but oddly enough it feels very attainable right now. It won't be easy, but I will do it.
Working out has been great lately, my body likes me again! lol I am not getting nearly as sore as I was, I can actually run two or three days in a row without losing the ability to walk, it's been so great. And now that I have purchased a HRM I am getting a much clearer picture of the calories I am burning and that is awesome. I am burning twice as much as my exercise equipment was telling me and that feels sooo much better.
So thanks Ayla :)
We are leaving for Arizona on Sunday...only 6 sleeps :D I can't wait!
So thanks Ayla :)
Using MFP made me quantify things in a way I never had before. I knew what my highest weight was...I knew what my goal was...but I never looked at the difference between the two. In all I need to lose 185 lbs...185 LBS! Son of .... okay, that's okay. The good news is that I am 69 lbs of the way there. I can't wait for the day when I can say I have lost 100 lbs and I can't wait for the day when I have less than 100 lbs left to lose. I have a lot of work to do but oddly enough it feels very attainable right now. It won't be easy, but I will do it.
Working out has been great lately, my body likes me again! lol I am not getting nearly as sore as I was, I can actually run two or three days in a row without losing the ability to walk, it's been so great. And now that I have purchased a HRM I am getting a much clearer picture of the calories I am burning and that is awesome. I am burning twice as much as my exercise equipment was telling me and that feels sooo much better.
So thanks Ayla :)
We are leaving for Arizona on Sunday...only 6 sleeps :D I can't wait!
Monday, 23 April 2012
New Low
Yay, I finally did it...I reached a new low! Since I restarted my battle in November 2009, my lowest weight was 269 lbs in November of 2010, as of today I weigh 268 lbs! Now I feel like I can finally finally be working in the right direction again, I am not playing catch up, I am breaking new ground for myself.
Thank you Ayla for a fabulous weekend and an incredible workout and swim which I know made the difference for me this week.
Now, having said that, I do believe that many years ago (I'm not even sure when it was, maybe 2000) the very first time I ever tried Weight Watchers I did really well and though I don't remember exactly, I am pretty sure I got to 250 lbs, so when I get back there, that too will be incredible. I plan to do that this summer :)
Visiting with Ayla this time I was 20 lbs less than when I visited in November and I sure could feel the difference. And in just under 3 weeks I am going to Arizona and I am at least 20 lbs less than I was when we went last year. I like knowing that and perhaps I will feel a difference in my comfort on the plane as well. I can't wait to go.
By the way, I bought the most fabulous shoes right before I left Edmonton! I have never spent $200 on a pair of shoes before (and likely shouldn't have this time) but I absolutely love them. Actually, that's not entirely true, I did spend about the same on my new running shoes. Here are both pairs.
And here were my backseat buddies this weekend :)
Today I am at home with my puppy. He missed me like crazy for the 2 nights I was away, not sure how he's gonna handle the week in Arizona soon! Poor guy.
I hope everyone has a great week.
Thursday, 19 April 2012
Life :( and :)
I think I have been avoiding posting. Life kind of went sideways at work for me and I've been very sad. One of my co-workers died last week...she was the sweetest person ever. Last year she was diagnosed with lung cancer from asbestos, it was a shock to her and all of us. She went on sick leave and had chemo (it didn't work so they stopped), then had surgery to remove one of her lungs. When she was recovered from that and radiation, she finally came back to work in November. She looked fantastic! And her treatment was very successful. In March she came and told my boss and I that they found cancer in her other lung. Seriously...we were so sad but she was so positive. They had a treatment plan and it was all good. She just left again on sick leave a couple of weeks ago. I think she only had one chemo treatment, ended up with pneumonia and her remaining lung collapsed. She hung on a couple more days and then that was it. I know with everything I just said it sounds like it shouldn't have been a surprise but it truly was. She has left a big hole here at work. She worked here for over 20 years. And in my role as administrator for the section so I had a few days that were quite difficult cause I wasn't able to stop thinking about her and focus on something else as it was my job to help get things in order, to draft the email to go out to all the staff letting them know that she had died, etc. It's hard to see her empty workstation. At some point we will have to clean it out and perhaps let someone else sit there. Too soon for that though. Anyway, the funeral was on Monday and a few days have gone past now so I feel more back to normal and I can finally tell the story without breaking down. She will be missed.
I think because of that and it being my TOM I have been struggling with working out. Haven't really done anything physical since Tiger and I went for a nice long walk to the dog park on the Saturday. I have been eating okay though, so I am relieved about that. Despite not being okay I haven't had any desire to sooth myself with food so that makes me happy. And I am coming out on the other side and know things will get back to normal soon.
Best news ever...I get to see Ayla this weekend!! :) This started out as a super crappy week but is ending super awesome. I can't wait to see her and the boys and Rob and to hang out and work out with them. I will see them tomorrow...SO EXCITED!
I didn't lose any weight last week and feel like I likely won't this week either, but that's okay. I'm okay.
I think because of that and it being my TOM I have been struggling with working out. Haven't really done anything physical since Tiger and I went for a nice long walk to the dog park on the Saturday. I have been eating okay though, so I am relieved about that. Despite not being okay I haven't had any desire to sooth myself with food so that makes me happy. And I am coming out on the other side and know things will get back to normal soon.
Best news ever...I get to see Ayla this weekend!! :) This started out as a super crappy week but is ending super awesome. I can't wait to see her and the boys and Rob and to hang out and work out with them. I will see them tomorrow...SO EXCITED!
I didn't lose any weight last week and feel like I likely won't this week either, but that's okay. I'm okay.
Monday, 9 April 2012
Happy Easter
I hope everyone had a good Easter :) Mine was pretty good, Saturday we had supper with my family at my sister's house and Sunday we had supper at Gord's Mom & Dad's house. That's two days in a row with big meals...ugh...but they were delicious and I think I planned my days sufficiently that I did okay overall.
So supper at my sister's house was at 4:00, she invited us all by email, so we all got the same message. We went there just before 4:00 and amazingly enough it wasn't a crazy madhouse like it usually is. With how big my family is it doesn't take much. But it was actually fairly quiet and relaxing. One of my sisters wasn't there yet, but she basically lives on her own schedule and is rarely on time. So we just watched golf, ate around 4:30 and knew she would get there when she got there. She showed up at 5:00 and proceeded to get mad at all the rest of us because she was sitting at home the whole time thinking that supper was at 5:00 and why the hell didn't any of us text or call her to find out where she was? Apparently she thinks we would have done so if it was one of my other sisters who had been late. She did sit down and eat, made a few comments about how she paid for the turkey and then we didn't even wait for her to eat with us. Like I said, we have a huge family, someone is always late and no, we don't wait for everyone before we eat. She finished eating and said it was time to go. She acknowledged that it was her fault she had the time screwed up but still felt that we should have done something in her absence. So she left at 5:30 and my mom promptly got up and went into her bedroom. Thanks very much for upsetting my mom on Easter...anyway...before she was there and after she was there we had a very nice time. And I am sorry that she ended up upset, but we didn't really do anything, here I thought we were being nice by not stressing because she was late again. Can't win.
Last week I finally went for my mammogram, first time for me. What an incredibly painful and humiliating experience :(. But results came back clear so it was worth it. I admit I was fairly crabby that day, lol.
Gord and I also got our eyes checked this week so I think we are finally done all of our check ups for a while. Yay :)
Today is a stat holiday for me so I get to stay home with my puppy. He doesn't know yet but it's haircut day for him, lol. He is stressed while I do it but then he feels so much better after. And I just got a cordless clippers to use so I am looking forward to trying them out and not having to worry about a heavy cord.
Today is sunny but cold here...brrr...but I can't complain too much because we somehow were lucky enough to not get more snow even though it seems like everyone around us did.
Take care :)
So supper at my sister's house was at 4:00, she invited us all by email, so we all got the same message. We went there just before 4:00 and amazingly enough it wasn't a crazy madhouse like it usually is. With how big my family is it doesn't take much. But it was actually fairly quiet and relaxing. One of my sisters wasn't there yet, but she basically lives on her own schedule and is rarely on time. So we just watched golf, ate around 4:30 and knew she would get there when she got there. She showed up at 5:00 and proceeded to get mad at all the rest of us because she was sitting at home the whole time thinking that supper was at 5:00 and why the hell didn't any of us text or call her to find out where she was? Apparently she thinks we would have done so if it was one of my other sisters who had been late. She did sit down and eat, made a few comments about how she paid for the turkey and then we didn't even wait for her to eat with us. Like I said, we have a huge family, someone is always late and no, we don't wait for everyone before we eat. She finished eating and said it was time to go. She acknowledged that it was her fault she had the time screwed up but still felt that we should have done something in her absence. So she left at 5:30 and my mom promptly got up and went into her bedroom. Thanks very much for upsetting my mom on Easter...anyway...before she was there and after she was there we had a very nice time. And I am sorry that she ended up upset, but we didn't really do anything, here I thought we were being nice by not stressing because she was late again. Can't win.
Last week I finally went for my mammogram, first time for me. What an incredibly painful and humiliating experience :(. But results came back clear so it was worth it. I admit I was fairly crabby that day, lol.
Gord and I also got our eyes checked this week so I think we are finally done all of our check ups for a while. Yay :)
Today is a stat holiday for me so I get to stay home with my puppy. He doesn't know yet but it's haircut day for him, lol. He is stressed while I do it but then he feels so much better after. And I just got a cordless clippers to use so I am looking forward to trying them out and not having to worry about a heavy cord.
Today is sunny but cold here...brrr...but I can't complain too much because we somehow were lucky enough to not get more snow even though it seems like everyone around us did.
Take care :)
Sunday, 1 April 2012
....Waiting....
Awe man, I am driving myself insane! Ever since I found out that I can get breast reduction surgery, it's all I can think about and I am waiting waiting waiting to hear when my first appointment might be. I even shut off my answering machine and starting paying for voice mail so that I will get a notification anytime someone leaves me a voice mail at home. Desperate much? lol I'm trying to be patient but not really succeeding, I just want it so much now.
Other than that I am still doing well. For the first time I walked home from work this week, it always seemed to far a distance, but I googled it and suddenly it didn't look that bad. Plus my legs are still getting quite sore from running on the treadmill so I figured taking some lengthy walks would be good. So I tried it out on Wednesday and it only took me about 37 minutes, which was pretty good. I pushed myself so I was a bit sore, but I was still able to do it again the next day. Sure is nice to get home and have my exercise already out of the way. I hope to do that maybe once or twice each week, and to balance that with my working out at home. I had a great workout on the treadmill & bike this afternoon, then used the kettle bells as well. I am sore and tired and that feels good.
Last weekend my hubby and I went to Home Styles 2012, it was fun to walk around and see everything, especially since my hubby can be quite lame and rarely wants to do anything. We also got to see Sandra Rinomato speak, we were both excited about that, we love Property Virgins, though we learned she's not making that show anymore, she has a new show starting in April. Anyway, while we were there we put our names in to win a bunch of things and turns out my husband won a climbing personal safety kit which of course is something we don't need at all, lol. We hope to sell and make some money, it's worth $450 and we sure could use some extra money in the golf fund since the golf courses are starting to open. This year we are hoping to start walking 18 holes once a weekend, if we can afford it. I haven't been able to walk 18 before so I am excited to see how that will go. I must remember to keep hydrated, I think that is part of my failure.
Last night I watched The Descendants with a couple of my sisters, was a good movie, I enjoyed it. Yesterday was a nice sunny day but today is rainy and dreary. I need the sun back. Always.
I hope everyone has a good week and a great April. :)
Other than that I am still doing well. For the first time I walked home from work this week, it always seemed to far a distance, but I googled it and suddenly it didn't look that bad. Plus my legs are still getting quite sore from running on the treadmill so I figured taking some lengthy walks would be good. So I tried it out on Wednesday and it only took me about 37 minutes, which was pretty good. I pushed myself so I was a bit sore, but I was still able to do it again the next day. Sure is nice to get home and have my exercise already out of the way. I hope to do that maybe once or twice each week, and to balance that with my working out at home. I had a great workout on the treadmill & bike this afternoon, then used the kettle bells as well. I am sore and tired and that feels good.
Last weekend my hubby and I went to Home Styles 2012, it was fun to walk around and see everything, especially since my hubby can be quite lame and rarely wants to do anything. We also got to see Sandra Rinomato speak, we were both excited about that, we love Property Virgins, though we learned she's not making that show anymore, she has a new show starting in April. Anyway, while we were there we put our names in to win a bunch of things and turns out my husband won a climbing personal safety kit which of course is something we don't need at all, lol. We hope to sell and make some money, it's worth $450 and we sure could use some extra money in the golf fund since the golf courses are starting to open. This year we are hoping to start walking 18 holes once a weekend, if we can afford it. I haven't been able to walk 18 before so I am excited to see how that will go. I must remember to keep hydrated, I think that is part of my failure.
Last night I watched The Descendants with a couple of my sisters, was a good movie, I enjoyed it. Yesterday was a nice sunny day but today is rainy and dreary. I need the sun back. Always.
I hope everyone has a good week and a great April. :)
Thursday, 22 March 2012
Follow Up Appointment
Okay, so after our doctor's appointments last week I was pretty happy, not just for the reasons in my last post, but the next day when we got home from work there was a message on the machine from the doctor's office asking Gord to go back in to talk about the results from his blood test. No message for me...I was pretty happy and perhaps a little smug that my skinny husband had to go back and unhealthy me didn't! But then the next day there was a message for me...damn it. Goodbye smugness. We both had appointments for today, so had to wait forever it seemed, took a long time for today to get here.
But it finally did and we got to see our doctor together this afternoon. I am happy to report that he had a lot of good things to say about me. No diabetes, no cholesterol concerns, almost everything was really good, he was very happy. Two things though - first is that my iron level is just a little low, nothing to worry about, don't need to take supplements, but I could eat more foods to help me with that. Second thing was I am REALLY low in vitamin D. Apparently the average range is 70 - 100 and I am at 38. So he's got me taking excessive amounts of vitamin D for the next 4 days (50,000 ius per day) and then I have to keep taking supplements for the next year. No big deal though, of all the things that could be wrong, this is pretty good. With the supplements he tells me I will feel noticeably better. In addition to the supplements I should spend a lot of time in the sun...um okay! lol I love the sun and sitting on the deck in the summer. He said I should go to Hawaii, have to see if my health plan will cover that, lol. Anyway, it was nice to hear.
My husband's news was pretty close to the same, most things were good, prostate was good (a concern in his family) and no diabetes for him either (also in his family). He is also a bit low in vitamin D so he has supplements too (not quite as drastic as what I have) and he does have high cholesterol, which of course runs in his family. So he was super happy to not have diabetes concerns but knows he needs to make some changes with respect to his cholesterol. I have to admit I quite enjoyed hearing what the doctor had to say to him...pretty much everything I had been telling him all along, lol. And he knows he has me to thank for the fact that he doesn't have diabetes because I am the reason he has made the changes to his eating habits to date. So now Gord knows he needs to work out and he needs to watch better what he is eating. Doctor told him to have fast food once a month as a treat...that's hard for him who is used to having it once a week for sure, lol.
Overall, we are both feeling quite good about things, what we have to deal with is very manageable and considering how overweight I am, I am super happy at all the things I currently DON'T have to worry about. I plan to keep it that way.
Final bit of good news...my doctor said he had already sent in my referral for my breast reduction *happy dance* and figures I should hear something about my first appointment fairly quickly *still happy dancing*. In fact he wondered if I had heard anything already. Basically within the next month I should hear from the surgeon and we can go from there. Super yay! :)
So I have been to the dentist in the past six months and had any work done that I needed. Now I have had a physical and am getting done what I need to there. Next month will go get our eyes checked and get things done there if needed. I think we are in pretty darn good shape so far!
Had a good workout after work today, even used our new kettles bells for a bit when I was done the treadmill and bike. Feeling pretty good these days :)
But it finally did and we got to see our doctor together this afternoon. I am happy to report that he had a lot of good things to say about me. No diabetes, no cholesterol concerns, almost everything was really good, he was very happy. Two things though - first is that my iron level is just a little low, nothing to worry about, don't need to take supplements, but I could eat more foods to help me with that. Second thing was I am REALLY low in vitamin D. Apparently the average range is 70 - 100 and I am at 38. So he's got me taking excessive amounts of vitamin D for the next 4 days (50,000 ius per day) and then I have to keep taking supplements for the next year. No big deal though, of all the things that could be wrong, this is pretty good. With the supplements he tells me I will feel noticeably better. In addition to the supplements I should spend a lot of time in the sun...um okay! lol I love the sun and sitting on the deck in the summer. He said I should go to Hawaii, have to see if my health plan will cover that, lol. Anyway, it was nice to hear.
My husband's news was pretty close to the same, most things were good, prostate was good (a concern in his family) and no diabetes for him either (also in his family). He is also a bit low in vitamin D so he has supplements too (not quite as drastic as what I have) and he does have high cholesterol, which of course runs in his family. So he was super happy to not have diabetes concerns but knows he needs to make some changes with respect to his cholesterol. I have to admit I quite enjoyed hearing what the doctor had to say to him...pretty much everything I had been telling him all along, lol. And he knows he has me to thank for the fact that he doesn't have diabetes because I am the reason he has made the changes to his eating habits to date. So now Gord knows he needs to work out and he needs to watch better what he is eating. Doctor told him to have fast food once a month as a treat...that's hard for him who is used to having it once a week for sure, lol.
Overall, we are both feeling quite good about things, what we have to deal with is very manageable and considering how overweight I am, I am super happy at all the things I currently DON'T have to worry about. I plan to keep it that way.
Final bit of good news...my doctor said he had already sent in my referral for my breast reduction *happy dance* and figures I should hear something about my first appointment fairly quickly *still happy dancing*. In fact he wondered if I had heard anything already. Basically within the next month I should hear from the surgeon and we can go from there. Super yay! :)
So I have been to the dentist in the past six months and had any work done that I needed. Now I have had a physical and am getting done what I need to there. Next month will go get our eyes checked and get things done there if needed. I think we are in pretty darn good shape so far!
Had a good workout after work today, even used our new kettles bells for a bit when I was done the treadmill and bike. Feeling pretty good these days :)
Tuesday, 13 March 2012
Dr. Appt and Boobs
I had a great day today, lol. That might seem odd when I tell you what I actually did this morning...
This morning my husband and I went in for our annual physical. By "annual" I mean every 5-7 years...oops...anyway, as usual I had to talk my husband into going because he would avoid all things like that but at the same time we were both looking forward to it because we'd either get a clean bill of health or just know if we had something to deal with. Win-win either way.
I have been worried about my blood pressure, especially since my headaches seem to have ramped up again. And my mom has high blood pressure and both my parents have diabetes so that's always a concern. I hate when they ask for family history and then you realize all the things you are at risk for. But that's why I need to be healthier because I can be in control of a lot of that. Anyway, I heard all good things. He was very happy with my blood pressure (yay!) and everything else, he saw no concerns anywhere. And same with my husband, so we left there quite happy :) Of course we still have to wait for the blood tests to come back but hopefully all will be okay there too. And because my sister had breast cancer I also have to go for a mammogram but it's preventative so I am not worrying.
Anyway...the thing that made me the happiest...and stop reading here cause this part gets quite personal...is that my doctor asked me if I was happy with my breasts. I have very large breasts. I know, I said I would post pictures and I will, I promise. Anyway, I said of course I wasn't. He asked if I considered surgery. Him and I had talked about it many years ago (20?) when I first started seeing him and at the time my question was (because I had done some research and was pretty sure I already knew the answer) would I lose the sensation in my nipples. The answer at the time was "yes". I said I couldn't do it. Sex is already low on my list of priorities, if I lost that we might as well call it a day (said it was personal...). But...the answer has changed, now that doesn't happen anymore (or at least a very low percentage). Of course with the passing of so much time many improvements would have been made but I was so happy to hear that! I will never have "small" breasts, but I could have "smaller" breasts, like by 2 or 3 cup sizes. The end result is that he is referring me and within a year or so I could have smaller breasts! I love it! I keep thinking about how that will be...for running...for golfing...for back pain...for shopping...how much weight will I lose that week I have surgery?? I don't know if it's weird or not but I am excited about it. I'm not discussing this with my family at this point, just with my husband and you fine folks :) Won't that make for some interesting before and after pictures? lol
One last note: I was violated in all ways I knew were going to happen at my appointment and while my husband was worried about the ways he was going to be violated, it didn't happen for him! We discussed this before hand where he was trying to tell me how awful it was going to be for him and I had to explain what they do to me, so we agreed it was fair we both had to go through it. But he didn't...I felt ripped off. So he apologized for not being violated by the doctor and I felt better...bit of a weird conversation, no? lol
L
Friday, 9 March 2012
New Shoes :)
Well, it finally happened. I turned 40. But I'm handling it okay, lol. Actually it was really good. My family made it great when they surprised me with a visit from Ayla, Rob and the boys, that was so awesome :) And on my actual birthday some of my family met me for lunch (restaurant gave me my lunch free as well as dessert) and some of my family met me for supper (restaurant gave me free dessert). Supper in particular was great and relaxing. And I learned that everyone should eat out all meals on their birthday with people who tell everyone that's its your birthday so you get all the free stuff, lol.
Anyway, I've been doing well with my eating but exercising has been on the back burner. I haven't used my treadmill/bike for almost 2 weeks :( My legs and ankles were suffering so I decided to take a break. But when asked what I wanted for my birthday I told one of my sisters that I wanted to get fitted for new running shoes, so she got me a gift certificate for the place I wanted to go to. This morning we went there and now I have new awesome running shoes that fit me properly. Gonna have lunch right away, take drugs and then hopefully my headache will disappear so I can go work out. I can't wait! Hopefully later I can report on how great it was :)
Friday, 24 February 2012
Monday, 20 February 2012
The Goal
Sometimes when I am standing in front of the mirror I start to think about how far I have to go yet...how long the road is going to be...and how hard it is...when I do that I have to shut myself down because it quickly becomes overwhelming. I remind myself that it's day by day...just do my best everyday, whatever that is on each given day, that's all I can do. But I like this:
Saturday, 18 February 2012
Awesome Saturday :)
Well, I've been struggling with headaches most of this week and also with my calves. When I worked out on Thursday I got through it but it wasn't fantastic. I knew I was going to take Friday off (had to, legs wouldn't let me workout) but was worried about working out Saturday and Sunday as I knew I would want to do both. Then I was worried my headache would interfere.
Anyway, headache wasn't too bad this morning. And yesterday I sent Gord out to get bananas so I could start eating them right away. This morning I also made sure I stretched a little before I got on the treadmill and I don't know if it was that plus the banana I had but my workout was FANTASTIC! I'm so happy :)
For someone who hasn't ever been know to workout regularly, it sure makes me happy.
I would also like to apologize to my body, I know that I was giving it a hard time with my legs, I was placing the blame on my sucky body (and of course it's my fault it sucks but that didn't matter) and instead should have been looking for the solution...so...my bad, lol.
Anyway, it's a beautiful sunny day here and now it's time to put some music on and tidy up the house.
ttyl
Friday, 17 February 2012
Rolling along...
Nothing too exciting to write about. I'm still doing okay, basically rolling along the same, which is good. I had my WI on Monday and I was down 1.4 lbs. I admit I was hoping for a bit more, but I am happy with that. I'm still working out but also still having a bit of trouble with my calves, so I am having to be a bit more cautious. It's not really sore muscles, but I get shooting pains, I hate it and it's getting very annoying. I've been working out fairly steadily for a few months now I would like to think my body would be adjusting to it at this point. Stupid body, lol. Anyway, I was reading a bit on the internet this afternoon and a while ago I stopped eating bananas and I think it might help me if I start eating them again. I need more potassium, so I am very hopeful that bananas might help me with that.
Patience Linda, patience, lol.
Sunday, 5 February 2012
Inspiration
It surprises me how long it takes me to get back here to post again, because I think about it a lot. Things pop into my head and I think "I should talk about that" and I mean to, I really do, but then by the time I sit down at my computer they have popped back out again. So I will try to remember, lol.
I've been doing well. My last post was mid-January and I was disappointed with my WI. I think I had a bad-ish day after that, but recovered very quickly and carried on. I've lost 2.2 lbs since then and hope to have another good WI tomorrow. I've been staying on track with eating and surprising myself with working out. I started pushing myself harder on the treadmill and was loving it! I never realized how much I love to sweat. I was having a conversation with one of my sisters recently (who is also trying to lose weight) and she said she hates sweating...I was shocked. I said, I love it, it's like fat falling off your body. She said she knew that, but usually that's when she stops a workout, when she starts to sweat. Wow. When I am dripping sweat I know I am doing something right and fantastic for myself. I guess to each their own, and she has had her share of success losing weight, but that part of the workout drives me.
Anyway, as I said, I have been pushing harder on the treadmill and loving it. Except then my lower legs were getting too sore and I had to pull back. I hate that. I shall be careful but I do still want to make sure I am pushing myself. I also just bought myself some wrist weights so I can use those while I am on the treadmill as well. My arms need a workout too.
My workout recently - around 55 minutes total:
My inspiration while I am working out is MUSIC! I have to run to fast paced dance music, it motivates me and makes the time go fast. I don't know if it is silly or not, but I need to run to the beat of the music, so my music is chosen carefully and I am always looking for new songs to love and run to. My absolute new favorite song to run to is Flo Rida - Wild One, I love it! If I am getting tired and the song switches it gives me new energy. So if anyone knows of great workout music selections, let me know!
This week me and two of my sisters booked our yearly trip to Phoenix in May, I can't wait. I already weigh less than I did last year and will keep working on getting that number down, I have a few months yet, should be able to make some good progress. Being big on a plane sucks, so I look forward to seeing what I can do to make that better for myself.
I know I said I was going to post pictures and I haven't yet, but I really will, I just need to get my crap together to do so. I will also update my info about me to show my weight. Not sure if that will happen this week or not but I will try soon.
I've had a very sore lower back this weekend and have no idea why, hoping that disappears. And I'm fighting a headache today, but with food, drugs and coffee, I hope to be ready for a good workout this afternoon. And I wish myself luck on my WI tomorrow morning! I wish everyone else well too :)
I've been doing well. My last post was mid-January and I was disappointed with my WI. I think I had a bad-ish day after that, but recovered very quickly and carried on. I've lost 2.2 lbs since then and hope to have another good WI tomorrow. I've been staying on track with eating and surprising myself with working out. I started pushing myself harder on the treadmill and was loving it! I never realized how much I love to sweat. I was having a conversation with one of my sisters recently (who is also trying to lose weight) and she said she hates sweating...I was shocked. I said, I love it, it's like fat falling off your body. She said she knew that, but usually that's when she stops a workout, when she starts to sweat. Wow. When I am dripping sweat I know I am doing something right and fantastic for myself. I guess to each their own, and she has had her share of success losing weight, but that part of the workout drives me.
Anyway, as I said, I have been pushing harder on the treadmill and loving it. Except then my lower legs were getting too sore and I had to pull back. I hate that. I shall be careful but I do still want to make sure I am pushing myself. I also just bought myself some wrist weights so I can use those while I am on the treadmill as well. My arms need a workout too.
My workout recently - around 55 minutes total:
- Warm up for 4 minutes
- 4 mph jog for about 20-22 minutes
- 5 mph jog for about 5 minutes
- 6 mph job for about 1.5 minutes - this part is not easy for me but I love accomplishing it. I also think this part is what could be hurting me, so I am being careful and didn't do it for my last workout.
- 2-3 minute cool down until for sure I have hit 2 miles and 200 calories burned.
- 20 - 25 minutes on the recumbent bike
My inspiration while I am working out is MUSIC! I have to run to fast paced dance music, it motivates me and makes the time go fast. I don't know if it is silly or not, but I need to run to the beat of the music, so my music is chosen carefully and I am always looking for new songs to love and run to. My absolute new favorite song to run to is Flo Rida - Wild One, I love it! If I am getting tired and the song switches it gives me new energy. So if anyone knows of great workout music selections, let me know!
This week me and two of my sisters booked our yearly trip to Phoenix in May, I can't wait. I already weigh less than I did last year and will keep working on getting that number down, I have a few months yet, should be able to make some good progress. Being big on a plane sucks, so I look forward to seeing what I can do to make that better for myself.
I know I said I was going to post pictures and I haven't yet, but I really will, I just need to get my crap together to do so. I will also update my info about me to show my weight. Not sure if that will happen this week or not but I will try soon.
I've had a very sore lower back this weekend and have no idea why, hoping that disappears. And I'm fighting a headache today, but with food, drugs and coffee, I hope to be ready for a good workout this afternoon. And I wish myself luck on my WI tomorrow morning! I wish everyone else well too :)
Monday, 16 January 2012
Meh
So, had my WI this morning...it kinda sucked. Was hoping for a loss as I had a fairly good week, but instead I was up 1.5 lbs. I'm disappointed but I know that I had a good week and it still counts, even if it didn't on the scale. But still I had a crappy day today. Just was feeling very meh all day. And I hate how cold it is, poor puppy can hardly get back in fast enough to make sure he doesn't freeze his paws.
Back at it tomorrow though and hoping for a good rest of the week and hopefully some results next week.
Thanks for the support and so great to meet you Katy. I do love a fellow golfer!
Back at it tomorrow though and hoping for a good rest of the week and hopefully some results next week.
Thanks for the support and so great to meet you Katy. I do love a fellow golfer!
Sunday, 15 January 2012
What a great week :)
You may be able to tell from the title, but I am having a great week! I've been doing well eating. And last Sunday I promised myself that I would work out at least three times this week and I have done that too. The workouts are great, usually about 35 minutes jogging on the treadmill and another 30 minutes on the bike. I found that I do need to be careful though because I pushed myself extra hard on the bike once this week, which was great, but then I ended up with sore knees a bit and I think that then affected me on the treadmill for my next workout. So I will watch out for that.
My husband has continued to workout with me and I am really happy about that too. Even this morning, he spent a lot of time shoveling outside and was exhausted when he was done so wasn't planning on working out with me (he is also just getting over a cold), but he surprised me by still coming downstairs and using the treadmill for 30 minutes. Yay him! And then he actually said thanks to me and that I was good motivation for him...awe...
So...I have decided that I am going to start posting pictures. I have been scared to, but I think it will be good for me. Can't keep the picture of my puppy up forever, that's just not what I look like, lol. So I will try to do that tomorrow. Or even tonight if I get a chance. I have a lot of weight to lose and one day I hope to be able to look back and see the pictures showing progress.
Okay, another great thing this week: To start, I kind of suck. I am a true home-body, love being at home, never ever get bored here. So often I will choose not to go places or do things because I just want to stay home, especially if I am doing something new AND alone. Last fall I registered myself for a photography workshop when a groupon came out and it was for this past Saturday. I actually had to talk myself into going. But once I decided for sure I was, man was I excited! And I went and I loved it. Ayla, it truly would have been wonderful if we could have done that together, I thought of you a lot. Is it weird that I am proud of myself just for going? lol Well, I am. And I may just do it again. Now I want to take pictures again and see if I can apply some of what I learned.
Tomorrow morning is WI, I am hoping to lose at least 1 lb, more would be great but who knows.
One last fantastic thing...I HAVE MORE THAN 1 FOLLOWER...OMG, lol. I'm pretty excited about that, lol. So hello Katy and Anna, you have made me very happy today! :)
My husband has continued to workout with me and I am really happy about that too. Even this morning, he spent a lot of time shoveling outside and was exhausted when he was done so wasn't planning on working out with me (he is also just getting over a cold), but he surprised me by still coming downstairs and using the treadmill for 30 minutes. Yay him! And then he actually said thanks to me and that I was good motivation for him...awe...
So...I have decided that I am going to start posting pictures. I have been scared to, but I think it will be good for me. Can't keep the picture of my puppy up forever, that's just not what I look like, lol. So I will try to do that tomorrow. Or even tonight if I get a chance. I have a lot of weight to lose and one day I hope to be able to look back and see the pictures showing progress.
Okay, another great thing this week: To start, I kind of suck. I am a true home-body, love being at home, never ever get bored here. So often I will choose not to go places or do things because I just want to stay home, especially if I am doing something new AND alone. Last fall I registered myself for a photography workshop when a groupon came out and it was for this past Saturday. I actually had to talk myself into going. But once I decided for sure I was, man was I excited! And I went and I loved it. Ayla, it truly would have been wonderful if we could have done that together, I thought of you a lot. Is it weird that I am proud of myself just for going? lol Well, I am. And I may just do it again. Now I want to take pictures again and see if I can apply some of what I learned.
Tomorrow morning is WI, I am hoping to lose at least 1 lb, more would be great but who knows.
One last fantastic thing...I HAVE MORE THAN 1 FOLLOWER...OMG, lol. I'm pretty excited about that, lol. So hello Katy and Anna, you have made me very happy today! :)
Tuesday, 10 January 2012
Tagged
I've been tagged.
I only have you Ayla, so I'm not tagging anyone else, lol.
11 random things about me:
1. I am 2nd youngest of 14 kids.
2. I like white gold. I don't like yellow gold.
3. I love HGTV.
4. I am never lonely but I think I might end up that way someday.
5. I don't like getting older and wish I could relax about it. Or just stay the same age.
6. Sometimes I don't know why people like me.
7. I like being in charge of people at work.
8. I think marriage takes really hard work every day.
9. I am a snob.
10. I want to still be golfing when I am 60.
My 11 questions for you.
1. What is your favorite workout? Definitely walking a golf course, treadmill is second.
2.What is the strangest talent you have? Reading people, I think I do that fairly well and it helps me in both my personal life and at work. If I am wrong about that then my strangest talent is denial, lol.
3. Would you like to know the day you are going to die ahead of time? Why or why not? No...that would just freak me out. I think that's all I would be able to focus on.
4.What is the most dangerous thing you have ever done? Road on a bus out of YK on a Friday night at midnight when I was 18 and alone. What the hell was my sister thinking!?
5. Who is your role model? Ayla :) There is nothing she can't do.
6.What is your favorite movie and why? I recently watched Valentine's Day and I loved it, I love a movie with a happy ending and no loose ends.
7. Last book you read? 11/22/63
8.What would you do if you won $500,000? Finally get rid of all of my debt and do more golfing.
9.Who is your favorite singer/band? Hard question, it changes and there are so many. Currently love The Script.
10. Would you rather be rich or healthy? Definitely healthy
11.What is one of your favorite quotes? If you miss someone, think of them with love and light. And then let it go.
Friday, 6 January 2012
Compliments
Hello everyone...hahaha...that means you Ayla, lol. Someday maybe someone else will read this to though, you never know!
Things have been fairly good. I really enjoyed my holidays, was great to spend so much time at home with Gord and Tiger. My puppy is so cuddly, he's awesome. Gord and I watched lots of movies and even worked out some. I actually worked out on Christmas Eve...and my husband worked out with me! It was really nice, that's the first time he's done that and I really enjoyed it. He's so slim he doesn't think he needs to work out, but he enjoyed it and was sore the next day. We did that a couple times during the holidays until I started not feeling well. Sometimes I get vertigo and that makes it a bit hard to use the treadmill. I have no excuse for not using my bike though. But I lost weight over the holidays at least until I got sick, then I think I gained a bit of what I lost. But if I can come out even in the end, I'm good with that, so we'll see how my WI goes on Monday.
The nicest thing happened today, one of my co-workers said "man are you losing weight!". I love that! :) But if I love that, how come I can't just accept the compliment?? Of course I thanked her, but not after disagreeing and saying it must be the new clothes I bought. New goal: learn how to just graciously accept a compliment.
Hope "everyone" has a good weekend :)
Things have been fairly good. I really enjoyed my holidays, was great to spend so much time at home with Gord and Tiger. My puppy is so cuddly, he's awesome. Gord and I watched lots of movies and even worked out some. I actually worked out on Christmas Eve...and my husband worked out with me! It was really nice, that's the first time he's done that and I really enjoyed it. He's so slim he doesn't think he needs to work out, but he enjoyed it and was sore the next day. We did that a couple times during the holidays until I started not feeling well. Sometimes I get vertigo and that makes it a bit hard to use the treadmill. I have no excuse for not using my bike though. But I lost weight over the holidays at least until I got sick, then I think I gained a bit of what I lost. But if I can come out even in the end, I'm good with that, so we'll see how my WI goes on Monday.
The nicest thing happened today, one of my co-workers said "man are you losing weight!". I love that! :) But if I love that, how come I can't just accept the compliment?? Of course I thanked her, but not after disagreeing and saying it must be the new clothes I bought. New goal: learn how to just graciously accept a compliment.
Hope "everyone" has a good weekend :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)