Where I Am

So, sometimes it bothers me when people don't blog for a long time and yet here I am, it's taken me forever.  But I think about it lots, does that count?

Anyway, right now I am pretty good.  I have a few things to update you on.

First of all, in my last post I mentioned that my appointment for my breast reduction consultation was days away.  After waiting a long time to get an appointment and then waiting for the appointment to arrive, then driving all the way to another city it was quite disappointing.  I gained information, but was that worth the humiliation of standing in front of a stranger topless while he touched and measured my breasts?  Not sure about that yet.

The bottom line is that my BMI is too high so he doesn't consider me a good candidate at the moment.  If I lose another 50 lbs I can go back and see him again.  I get that, it makes sense to me that he thinks I need to be healthier to go through the surgery, I think the part that bothers me is that when my doctor suggested that I look into this I specifically asked him if I needed to lose more weight before I could do it and he said no, it would be beneficial for me to do it now.  So...that sucked.  I was upset after my appointment, seemed like a complete waste of a day and money to go there, but I guess I am glad I at least checked it out and have more information now.  With some of the risks he discussed I am not even sure I will go ahead when I get down to the appropriate weight, but I haven't ruled it out.  I will see how I am when I get there. 

In another of my posts I discussed me finally telling my brother what happened to me when I was a child.  That has been causing me a fair amount of stress, including me cancelling my trip to see him because I couldn't handle it (I didn't tell him that).  He is coming to visit in a couple of weeks so I have been worried about that as we are supposed to Talk About It.  I was texting with him the other night asking him what his plans were, when he was coming and going, etc. and in the course of the convo he told me that he would be golfing with his wife's brother again while he was here.  Well, that kind of sent me cause that's who he golfs with when he golfs with the person I don't want him to see.  So I didn't answer his text when he told me that and about an hour later he asked me how come I didn't respond.  I had to ask.  I didn't want to but I had to.  So I asked if he was going to golf with him again.  And then I cried while I waited for his answer.  My husband looks over and sees me crying (out of the blue to him as he didn't know I was texting my brother) and I explained what was going on.   I was so scared to get his answer.  When it came it just said "no".  So I cried again.  I said "Thanks.  Sorry, but I had to ask."  I hate saying sorry about something like that but the reality is I didn't have the faith in him to just know that he would do what I needed to him to do which was basically choose me.  His response was "Wasn't an option".   That was a lot of weight off of me but I am still worried about talking to him about it.  And I still hate that I had to put him in this position as I have no idea what he will say to his brother in law to make it clear that he won't golf with the other guy.  I don't even know if he has told his wife or not.  Anyway, perhaps I will find that out soon enough.

Other than that I have been having a pretty good summer.  I am on the end of just over 2 weeks of holidays and they have been great.  My husband and I both had the first week off and we did lots of golfing and even got to go to Edmonton to see a Rider game.  We lost :( boo.  But it was a lot of fun and I got to visit with my niece, which was wonderful.   Though my niece and I commiserated over the fact that Ayla wasn't there (perhaps even called her a name or two, out of love of course lol).  I miss Ayla a lot. 

My husband and I have been having a run of bad luck.  For instance, somethings that have occurred over the past month or so:

- My Tivo spontaneously died

- Had to pay to get our "maintenance free" siding fixed on the house

- Had to pay to have our air conditioning fixed for the 5th year in a row (reduced but still, every year??)

- Had to pay our deductible to get the windshield replaced on our SUV

- Had to replace our 46" TV in our living room when it spontaneously got rainbow colored vertical lines across the whole screen.  Pretty but no picture anymore and costs way too much to fix.

We seriously need to stop vowing to spend less money, every time we do the universe laughs at us.

Some good things that have happened to me:

- I am continuing to lose weight and get healthier

- I bought a couple extra large clothing items at Costco and though they are a bit snug they are wearable.

- I bought an extra large skort from Golf Town and it fits loosely (it's very stretchy so most would not fit me that way)

Those things are going to continue to get better.  Which is fantastic and likely also means I will spend more money on clothes because I have never had the option before!

Tuesday I am back to work.  Ugh.  Guess it will be good to get back into a routine.

That's where I am right now.

L.