Milestone

I had a great week this past week.  I got lots of exercise, did a ton of walking - either golfing, walking home from work or taking Tiger to the dog park, and when I couldn't do that I used my treadmill.  I feel great and I finally had more than a 1 lb loss, it feels like forever.  I lost 4 lbs this week bringing me to 75 lbs lost.  That's amazing to me in both a good and bad way.  It's embarrassing to have lost that much weight and still have so much more to lose!  But it is what it is and I will try to ignore that part of it and just be proud of what I have accomplished.

I can see more changes in my body, that part is always fun.  I can see a difference in my face/neck, and all over I guess.  I think I am losing it the slowest in my stomach though, which kind of drives me crazy.  But it's also fun going through my closet, compared to before, there's really not that much left in there and I am quite often tossing things out of it because they either no longer fit or I just know I won't wear it anyway.  So I have lots of room in there for a someday shopping spree, lol.  I do have some smaller things in there that I also keep trying on, they are goals for me.  In particular golf clothes I have purchased from TPC Scottsdale in Phoenix over the past couple of years, I can't wait to wear those!  Not sure if I will be able to get into them this summer or not, I am a ways from fitting into them.

I am afraid this process is hard for my husband.  I am being selfish, I am focusing on me and I get that it's hard for him.  A while ago I told him what my actual weight was and he had no idea, I asked him to guess and he was way off, he was quite surprised to hear that my highest weight was 335 lbs.  I hoped that would help him see that I am not just trying to lose weight, I am trying to save my life, and I think he gets that to some degree, as much as he is capable.  The other day I compared it to sex.  I asked him how many times a day he thinks about sex, he said all the time, probably 40 or 50 times a day (seriously, how do they get any work done??  So glad I am female).  I told him that for as much as he thinks about sex, that's how much I am thinking about food and eating.  Every time I eat something, I am always thinking ahead to the next thing I get to eat.  Always.  That's why it helps me to use MFP to map out my days, then the thinking is contained instead of free roaming, if that makes sense.

Anyway, I find that some days I can look behind me and see all the progress that I have made...75 lbs!...and it's fantastic.  Other days I look ahead and I see all the work I have left to do...110 lbs left...and it's overwhelming.  I look forward to when the road behind is longer than the road ahead, I think that will help.  And when I look at it that way, I am really not that far off from that, another 17.5 lbs and I will be halfway done, then the number left to lose will always be smaller than what I have already lost.  Hallelujah!