Well, finally for your viewing pleasure (because it certainly isn't mine!) I have posted a bunch of pictures of myself. I guess it was a good thing to sit and look back over the pictures, man, the older ones are atrocious. There's really no other word.
I'm still doing well. Today I walked/ran in the CIBC Run for the Cure 5K, it was a great experience.
I have noticed a few things making me happy these days :) like:
- my puppy fits on my lap
- I went shopping and had to trade everything I took to the change room for smaller sizes
- I can feel bones and muscles under my skin, it's weird and wonderful all at the same time!
It's been good to see the changes in myself as the months go by, but to put my hands on my hips, legs or shoulders and be surprised at what I feel is awesome, I had no idea how good that would feel and it encourages me to keep going in the right direction. And so I shall.
Sunday, 30 September 2012
Monday, 17 September 2012
100 lbs!
Yay, I finally did it! I reached 100 lbs lost today :)
I still have a lot of jiggly parts...so many...but it's a good milestone. (Other than wishing I had never put myself in the position of needing to lose that much weight of course.)
85 lbs left to go...that doesn't sound so unreachable anymore. As I lose weight I am of course burning less calories in the same time, the downfall of being in better shape, so to speak, lol. But I keep reminding myself that the lbs are worth more now. When I was over 300 lbs and lost 20 lbs, you could hardly notice. Now that I am 235 lbs, losing 20 lbs will be much more noticeable. So yay for that!
When I lose another 36 lbs I will finally be under 200 lbs, that sounds absolutely incredible to me. I don't think I can lose that much by the end of the year but perhaps it would be a nice birthday present to myself. But that would be over 7 lbs a month during the winter months...might be a stretch but it's good to know that by my 41st birthday I will at least be close to that goal.
My closet is very sad right now. I have hardly any clothes to wear. Must shop soon, I have no choice. It's getting colder out and I only have 1 pair of jeans...no other pants at all, that's not gonna work, lol.
A coworker recently said to me that I must love looking in the mirror now and I was shocked, because it couldn't be further from the truth, I still hate the mirror! Especially having my picture taken! But...I'm gonna work on that because I think that is a self-destructive behavior that I need to get rid of.
Regarding the visit from my brother...overall it was good. We had a lot of fun. Him and I did discuss briefly what happened to me. That was incredibly awkward, for both of us, but he was the one who brought it up the first time we had some time alone so that made me happy. He is still processing and I know that I need to give him time to do that. I told him that if he wanted to tell other people in his life (his wife, etc.) that he should go ahead. I also told him it would be my preference if he drove over him with a golf cart or something. Initially he seemed to think that this just meant he wouldn't ever tell me when he was golfing with him. I told him I didn't like that. I think that with time he will find that perhaps that just isn't possible. Of course I wanted him to tell me that he would never see him again, but that would mean having to pretty much tell everyone in his life why and I get that he wasn't ready to do that yet. But he may get there. For now, golf season is over and I think him and I will discuss this more again in the future.
I am glad I told him, I got to the point where I had no choice. He's an important person in my life and I don't want to lose him. So I am going to be patient and see where we end up. I've known about this for all my life and I am still learning how to deal with it so I am prepared to be patient while he tries to figure it out as well.
Went to a party on the weekend and had a lot of fun, we hadn't done that for a long time, especially with people that weren't family. They were mostly friends of my one sister, so she was there, but she ended up having to leave early so I thought we would too, but we ended up having fun dancing and socializing so we stayed until it was over. Even sang happy birthday after inhaling helium lol. Had a bit of a headache the next day but it didn't last so it wasn't too bad. I'm too old to handle being hungover, lol.
I still have a lot of jiggly parts...so many...but it's a good milestone. (Other than wishing I had never put myself in the position of needing to lose that much weight of course.)
85 lbs left to go...that doesn't sound so unreachable anymore. As I lose weight I am of course burning less calories in the same time, the downfall of being in better shape, so to speak, lol. But I keep reminding myself that the lbs are worth more now. When I was over 300 lbs and lost 20 lbs, you could hardly notice. Now that I am 235 lbs, losing 20 lbs will be much more noticeable. So yay for that!
When I lose another 36 lbs I will finally be under 200 lbs, that sounds absolutely incredible to me. I don't think I can lose that much by the end of the year but perhaps it would be a nice birthday present to myself. But that would be over 7 lbs a month during the winter months...might be a stretch but it's good to know that by my 41st birthday I will at least be close to that goal.
My closet is very sad right now. I have hardly any clothes to wear. Must shop soon, I have no choice. It's getting colder out and I only have 1 pair of jeans...no other pants at all, that's not gonna work, lol.
A coworker recently said to me that I must love looking in the mirror now and I was shocked, because it couldn't be further from the truth, I still hate the mirror! Especially having my picture taken! But...I'm gonna work on that because I think that is a self-destructive behavior that I need to get rid of.
Regarding the visit from my brother...overall it was good. We had a lot of fun. Him and I did discuss briefly what happened to me. That was incredibly awkward, for both of us, but he was the one who brought it up the first time we had some time alone so that made me happy. He is still processing and I know that I need to give him time to do that. I told him that if he wanted to tell other people in his life (his wife, etc.) that he should go ahead. I also told him it would be my preference if he drove over him with a golf cart or something. Initially he seemed to think that this just meant he wouldn't ever tell me when he was golfing with him. I told him I didn't like that. I think that with time he will find that perhaps that just isn't possible. Of course I wanted him to tell me that he would never see him again, but that would mean having to pretty much tell everyone in his life why and I get that he wasn't ready to do that yet. But he may get there. For now, golf season is over and I think him and I will discuss this more again in the future.
I am glad I told him, I got to the point where I had no choice. He's an important person in my life and I don't want to lose him. So I am going to be patient and see where we end up. I've known about this for all my life and I am still learning how to deal with it so I am prepared to be patient while he tries to figure it out as well.
Went to a party on the weekend and had a lot of fun, we hadn't done that for a long time, especially with people that weren't family. They were mostly friends of my one sister, so she was there, but she ended up having to leave early so I thought we would too, but we ended up having fun dancing and socializing so we stayed until it was over. Even sang happy birthday after inhaling helium lol. Had a bit of a headache the next day but it didn't last so it wasn't too bad. I'm too old to handle being hungover, lol.
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